I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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