i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
