Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
