i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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