If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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