how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
