you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
