oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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