you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
