I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
