Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
