Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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