you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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