We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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