Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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