is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
