I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
