I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it hurts more in the daytime
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
