Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
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