i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
