the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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