she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
