and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
