Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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