I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
