it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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