I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
