I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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