I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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