I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
