): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
