we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
