"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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