Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
