roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
