I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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