Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
