Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
