I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
