and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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