It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
