Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
