My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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