My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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