i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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