So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
