walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
