Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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