I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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