You just made me feel so damn special
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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