How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
