Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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