I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Found your dick twin last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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