she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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