im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize