Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
