he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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