Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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